Do You Have Real Friends or Just People Who Use You?

Do You Have Real Friends or Just People Who Use You?

By Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A., M.S. CPC with Student Contributors

Akhil and Akash Deo

Ever noticed this?

Do you ever wonder if you have real friends or just people who befriend you for selfish reasons?  Do you find yourself making most of the effort in your friendships?  If so, maybe it would be a good idea to look at how you choose your friends. Most people usually like to make friends with people with whom they have a connection, due to common interests.  It is important to have a balance in relationships.  Do you have friends who always suggest getting together, but leave the inviting to you?

No relationship can be perfectly balanced but it is not healthy to have lop-sided relationship.  Is poor self-esteem making you accept this treatment?  If so, realize your value as a friend and befriend those who value friendship as much as you do.  It is better to have fewer friends who value you, rather than “friends”, who call you only when it is convenient or when they need something.

Here are some tips to make a keep real friends:

1. Be your authentic self. Don’t try to copy others.  An original is always better than a copy.
2. Cast your friendship net wide. Don’t limit yourself to people who are in the same line of work as you or same stage of life.
3. Be open minded. Some people who appear different than you may have more in common than you think.
4. If someone does things that are against your values, this person would probably not be a good choice. You might find yourself in compromising or uncomfortable situations.
5. If you find that your routine doesn’t lend itself to meeting new people, try taking a class, join a club or organization, or volunteer.

Thanks to my student advisors, Akash and Akhil Deo, I have some great tips for kids, as well.   Everyone knows that the preteen and teen years are a precarious time when it comes to sorting out friendship.

1. If you’re the new kid on the block, wipe the slate clean and put yourself out there.
2. Find a connection with others by asking them about their interests.
3. Talk about fun things that are going on in your life.
4. Ask questions which make others feel valued and important.
5. Break out of your routine by doing extra-curricular activities.
6. Create your own social events by inviting kids to do activities in a group or invite friends to your home for a movie or game night with your parents’ permission, of course.

Your best bet when meeting others is to make the conversation about them, by asking questions about their interests and background.  By expressing a sincere interest in others, they will feel valued and want to more about you!

Kathleen Matchunis is a certified life and academic coach for teens and adults.  Her website is:  www.connectinginc.net  Tel. 954 294 9708