Are You Tired of Arguing about Grades?
by Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A., M.S. Certified Professional Coach
Do you find yourself arguing about grades with your child? If so, the less you talk, the better off you will be. Arguing doesn’t accomplish anything since most of the time each party is thinking about winning the argument, rather than finding a solution to the problem. Try these ground rules to take the drama out of discussing academics:
- There should be agreement on the time and the location of the discussion. Regarding time, the discussion should preferably not take place during dinner (discussing grades is usually bad for digestion). Choose a time when neither party is hungry or tired. As far a location is concerned, a quiet, private place, devoid of electronics is ideal.
- Both parent and child should agree on using a reasonable tone of voice. The discussion should be terminated once one party starts yelling.
- There should be no profanity, name-calling, or put-downs. Your child is not his grades. Separate academic performance from the person. Keep focused on the issue, not the person your child is.
- Let your child know that his grades are his responsibility but you are there to offer support.
- Both parent and child should talk about goals and different ways to accomplish those goals.
- What if your child has no goals? That’s fine. Maybe your child is afraid or too unmotivated to commit to a goal. It takes maturity to set a goal. However, there should be at least mutually agreed upon expectations.
- Involve your child in brainstorming solutions with you such as academic coaching, tutoring, peer tutoring at school, or teacher tutoring. Sometimes, simply changing the place and time of studying can be a solution.
- Write down the mutually agreed upon options for improvement.
- Have a brief meeting every week to monitor grades and find out what is working and what is not working.
- Let your child know that you will take a team approach to finding solutions to academic challenges.
Make sure that you connect how academic success leads to having more options in life. Who doesn’t like having more choices? Don’t give up if your discussions don’t go smoothly at first. If you find it difficult to navigate the resolution process, enlist the help of a coach or psychologist to guide you through the process.
Original content by Kathleen A. Matchunis, Educator, Professional Academic and Life Coach, providing customized coaching for teens and parents in person and via Skype. Website: www.connectinginc.net Tel. 954 294 9708. Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/connectinginc and check us out on Yelp!
