Three Tips for Getting on the Same Page with Your Spouse about the Kids
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A., M.S., Certified Professional Coach
There isn’t any discipline plan that can be effective if you and your spouse are not on the same page. Disagreements about discipline philosophies can also play havoc with marriages. Maybe you and your spouse never anticipated that you would feel so differently about disciplining your children. Everyone is raised in a unique manner. Some parents discipline their children as they were disciplined and some parents parent their children in a very different manner. We learn how to parent and how not to parent from our own parents. It is up to us to choose the best of what our parents modeled as positive parenting behavior.
Here are some tips on how to get on the same page with your spouse regarding discipline:
- Before you have children, discuss what you liked and didn’t like about how your parents raised you. Discuss whether or not you believe in being strict or more permissive. Get specific in your discussion on how you feel regarding tone of voice and spanking, when dealing with children. If you are already parents, it is still not too late to have this discussion. However, this discussion is best had when the child is young.
- Even if you have similar discipline philosophies, you still will not agree in every situation. Your children will always pick up on this and use it against you and to their advantage. You need to come up with a phrase to stall for time in order to check with your spouse on how you are going to respond to situations which are not clear cut. You can say, “I am not giving you an answer about this now. Mom (or Dad) and I need to discuss this together.” Let your kids know that you are a team.
- If you do not agree with your spouse on an issue, never let your children know. Have a private conversation with your spouse and try to collaborate on a solution which you both can accept.
Everyone has theories on how to discipline children before they are born. Parents may find that they change some of their ideas after having children. It is important to not just “give in” when you are tired or it is not convenient to discipline your child. Giving in to your child creates confusion and will increase behavior problems. Consistency in discipline is essential. To explore this topic further, check out articles at www.kidsinthehouse.com
Sometimes it is helpful to get a fresh perspective on discipline from an objective professional. As an experienced educator and certified coach, I work with both parents and kids on building positive relationships with clear communication which decreases stress at home. Getting some assistance can give you more time to have fun with your children rather than constantly disciplining them.
Original content by Kathleen A. Matchunis, Educator, Professional Academic and Life Coach, providing customized coaching for teens and parents in person and via Skype. Website: www.connectinginc.net Tel. 954 294 9708. Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/connectinginc. Call for a complimentary consultation!