Letting Go, While Maintaining a Relationship with Your College-aged Child
You feel that you have been through everything with your children. They have been a priority and a major part of your life. Then they go to college. Expectations for your relationship have to be clarified. When my twins left for college (double wah-wah), my husband and I agreed that it would be reasonable to stay in touch at least once a week, most likely on the weekend, when all of our schedules are not so hectic. Of course, the twins knew that they could call more often.
We have maintained our once a week contact for the most part. The twins call during the week if they have a concern or are sick. It works for us, but it has been an adjustment after seeing them every day. How do we make the most of these phone calls? We make notes on anything financial or school-related, so we don’t forget to address these issues. We try to ask about what they are doing for fun without getting too intrusive. It’s good to know that you child has a good work/play, balance, while away at school.
We frame most advice as “Do you think that it might be a good idea to explore ___________? College aged students need to make their own decisions and live with the resulting consequences in order to learn life lessons, as painful as this might be for parents. This type of learning results in lasting results and helps create confidence.
By clarifying expectations and framing any parental advice as a suggestion to explore, you can transition from a child-adult to an adult-adult relationship with your child. Continuing to tell your children what to do will create self-doubt in their minds about their ability to make decisions.
How did you learn most of what you know? Be honest! You know that you learned what you know through the good and not so good decisions that you have made in your life! Let your child grow and do the same!
