Creating Your Own Holiday Memories
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
Do you have bad flashbacks of past holidays? Do you have unpleasant memories of stressed-out parents and unrealistic expectations? Perfectionism can ruin the holidays for sure. All of these bad memories can cause anxiety or apathy about the holidays.
The good news is that you can create new holiday memories for yourself! You can take the positive traditions from your childhood and combine them with traditions of your choice to create a joyful holiday for yourself. There is nothing wrong with changing, modifying, or adding traditions to enrich your holiday experience. Eliminate thoughts of hurt, abuse, and/or chaos and replace these thoughts with a joyful anticipation of the holidays.
If you have small children, you need to keep things simple. Children do not care if the table is set perfectly. Emphasize the idea of being together, preparing and eating your favorite holiday foods, and being grateful. It is nice to exchange gifts, but always emphasize that it is the thought that counts.
Be up front with relatives about your holiday preferences and what you are able and willing to do. For example, I don’t feel comfortable with relatives who are on some kind of electronic device while visiting, so I ask them to kindly “check” their device at the door. This way, we can have a good visit and it avoids a confrontation about asking them to put down their electronic device while I am trying to talk to them.
Ask relatives to help in meal preparations to avoid being the “meal martyr.” Delegate tasks to family and friends who can share in the responsibility of getting the meal prepared and do the clean up, as well as watching any children in the family.
Making a joyful holiday memory doesn’t have to be hard work, but it does take planning and some forethought. Watch your “self-talk.” Don’t fight with your thoughts, but replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Instead saying to yourself, “Oh my God, everybody is coming over for the holidays!” you can replace that self-talk with, “Wow, it will be great to see everybody today!”
Try to stay away from categorical thinking such as “my brother always is so obnoxious during the holidays.” Maybe this year he will be different. So try looking for the good in everyone and you will be surprised how well things turn out.
The really good news is that your holiday doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be a happy holiday.