Is Your Need to Be Right Costing You Your Relationships?
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
Oh, the satisfaction of being right is so delicious! “I’m right and I am so smart!” you say to yourself. You, however, have created a win-lose situation for your relationship. How smart do you feel when that remark or smart aleck comment costs you a relationship? Do you like to correct others? Let me guess. Are you wondering why you are not more popular?
How do you feel when someone corrects you or tries to prove you wrong? You probably don’t feel respected. This is how other people feel when you do this to them. You can express an opinion, contrary to your acquaintances and friends, without getting attached to the need to be right. Asking others their opinion and offering yours is the basis of many interesting conversations.
Often the need to be right is caused by feelings of insecurity. Just think of the opportunities missed when you are always busy proving your point. People who are constantly trying to prove that they are right usually are not the best listeners because they are such competitive talkers. They often are not able to learn from others because they don’t think that they have much to learn. They close themselves off from really interacting with others.
The need to be right can be very damaging to relationships. The other person does not even feel like that he/she is being heard. This character flaw impacts not only personal relationships, but professional ones, too. If you decide that your opinion trumps that of your boss, you may be boxing up your belongings and exiting the building before you know it. “So, how is that working for you?”, as Dr. Phil often asks.
It comes down to this. Do you like to make other people feel bad or inadequate? No? Then think about how you express your opinion and listen to others.
Would you rather be right and lonely or open to listen and engaged with others? Create a win-win situation by using good listening skills and stating your opinions as opinions and not facts. You will be happier as you watch your relationships improve and you have fewer confrontations.
