Parenting with Boundaries
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
Good parenting empowers children to realize their full potential. When parents give their children age-appropriate boundaries, children realize that they need to control themselves and that there are consequences to inappropriate behavior. Children who do not grow up with boundaries are in for a rude awakening when they enter college and the workplace and they suddenly have to deal with rules and regulations.
Do you know a lot of bosses who give “extra chances”? I don’t often see that! Kids need to get used to the idea that they need to respect the rules and if they do not, they can expect consequences.
Parents not only need to be on the same page, but they need to be on the same page in the same book. Providing a united front gives children a consistent message. Children will often go to one parent (usually the more lenient one), and ask permission to do something. If that parent is aware, they will tell the child that he/she will check with the other parent before giving permission for anything significant.
Children who have consistent parenting have less disciplinary problems in school and on the job because respect for authority has been instilled in them from an early age. They transition more easily to other situations where there are other rules and boundaries. They often take responsibility for their actions if they have been brought up with rules and consequences. They know that the world does not revolve around them, although they have good self-esteem.
Believe it or not, children feel more secure when they have boundaries, although they may protest them. Would you allow your child to ride in a car without a seatbelt? No way! How about if your young child tells you that he/she think that they can swim and they want to swim in the deep end of the pool? No good parent would do that! So, how is that different than when a child begs you to something which you know is not in their best interest.
You actually make your child’s life easier by providing boundaries early in life. In this way, the transition to managing the teen years will be less stressful. You will also raise children who will become good parents and pass on the tradition of boundaries to their children.