How to Have Dinner with Your Kids, Without the Indigestion
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
I wasn’t sure after I had my twins that it would ever be possible to have dinner with my kids and not have indigestion. I doubted that there was enough Mylanta for that dining experience.
However, I really believed that having dinner with your kids is a very valuable experience for children, starting from a young age. Oh, did I mention that I have a husband who is sensitive to noise and who avoids confrontation. So, I had my work cut out for me, didn’t I?
I started with a family meeting, including the kids, of course. What rules did they think would be appropriate to have at the table? Since everyone got a “say”, everyone wanted to participate.
Our daughter complained that nobody ever listened to her. Of course, our son said the same thing. My husband didn’t like the yelling and whining. I didn’t like the kids playing with their food or jumping up from the table.
We spun all these all these ideas into “Family Rules for the Table” with illustrations done by the kids. Here are some of the rules, which we decided were the most important. These rules were posted near the dinner table, much to the amusement of visitors!
1. Show love and respect for each other.
2. No yelling, whining, or interrupting.
3. Listen until it is your turn to speak.
4. Help either set the table or the meal. (This depends on the age of the child, of course).
5. Nobody will answer the phone when it rings during dinner, unless it is an emergency. This sends the message that dinnertime is a priority.
6. Anyone who wants to leave the table must wait until everyone is finished and then ask, “May I be excused?”
7. Dinnertime is a time to share our day with each other. Therefore, no TV or electronic devices during dinner.
8. Say grace before each meal to give thanks.
9. Use good table manners. Chew with your mouth closed. Use your napkin. No elbows on the table. It’s not naptime!
10. Try to share one positive thing that happened during your day or if you had a lousy day, feel free to share to see if we can brainstorm a solution.
11. Sometimes, we will play a game after dinner for fun. A different person can choose each night we have time to play a game.
As the head chef, I tried to create a calm, soothing atmosphere by putting on some background music to soothe nerves and make the transition from the work day to dinner. I sometimes lit candles, which helped everyone slow down and relax. This set the tone for dinnertime.
When we had visitors, they wondered how we got the kids to behave at the table. Well, we involved them in the process and these positive behaviors became good habits. Every night did not always go as planned, of course. We had our share of tears and gnashing of teeth, but now we enjoy eating with our children and we don’t feel like it’s feeding time at the zoo when we eat together.
Children aren’t born knowing how to behave at the table. They have to be taught. It’s an important skill in life. Many interviews are now conducted over meals. So, if your children eats like animals, they will probably not get that job that they were hoping for and they will be clueless as to why!
Bon appetit! You can put away your Mylanta, but you still might want to have that glass of wine with dinner!