Words That Every Parent Should Fear!
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A., M.S., CPC
How do you know how your children are really doing in school? Many times, kids want to have a chance to handle things by themselves. Parents know this when kids say such things such as “Mom (or Dad), don’t worry, I’ve got this!” or “I’ve got everything under control”. These are words that parents should probably fear. If you don’t get to the bottom of this issue and what these statements really mean, several weeks later, you may hear your child saying things such as “Apparently, I forgot to do an assignment and now I am failing” or “Somehow, I missed the project deadline”.
How can we find out about what is really going on at school with our kids? It is important is to establish an open approach when it comes to academics. Instead of accusing your child of not caring or being lazy, try to find a solution to the problem together. Try speaking to your child with a minimum of distractions. I found that speaking to my child in the car was an excellent place to start a discussion on how school was going. You have a captive audience (remember to keep up your speed!), a minimum of distractions, and your child doesn’t have to look at you in the eye, which makes it more comfortable for some kids to open up.
It is important to be aware of your child’s grades, so your child knows that you know what the grades are and the conversation can begin with “This is where we are, so where do we want to be and how are we going to get there?” Asking the questions below can lead to your child taking responsibility for his grades.
Try asking your child these questions:
- Are you happy with your grades?
- If not, why?
- What do you think you can do about the grades which are not up to par?
- If your child has no idea, you can phrase suggestions in the following way, “Do you think that it would work if you _____________?”
- If you do not have any idea of what to do, who could you talk to at school, as a good resource, to help you form a game plan?
- (After brainstorming solutions together) What are you willing to do to improve your grade?
- How can I support you?
Using these questions, you shift the tone from accusatory, to collaborative. With this approach, your child will not feel threatened, but rather supported. You can support your child by encouraging him, keeping the lines of communication open, helping him seek extra help, if necessary. Your child may not be the student that you were, but he has gifts and talents which need to nurtured in order to be marketable and enable him to eventually live independently. These talents can be developed through higher education such as college, vocational, or technical school. Keeping your child on track to access higher education and/or training is essential to his success!
Original content by Kathleen A. Matchunis, B. A., M.S., Certified Professional Coach, Academic Coach & Tutor, Educational Consultant, Tel. 954 294 9708.
