Do You Ever Find Yourself Not Liking Your Child?
By Kathleen Matchunis, B.A. M.S., CPC
Do you ever find yourself not liking your child? You can love your child without liking everything about them. A lot of us may not like to admit this, even though it is true! If you have ever had this feeling, it is important to communicate to your child that it is their behavior which you do not like, rather than them. When addressing these behaviors, make sure that you phrase your criticism as, “I don’t like it when you ___________”, rather than “You are lazy, disrespectful, etc.”.
Ask yourself what behaviors you do not like about your child. Are they the same behaviors which you do not like about yourself? Sometimes our children are mirrors of what we need to work on in our own lives. Are they behaviors which remind you of things that you do not like about your spouse?
Once you have answered these questions and are aware of why you do not like certain behaviors, try not to overreact when your child exhibits these behaviors. Your child is a separate entity with strengths and weaknesses different from yours. As Kahil Gilbran says, “Your children come through you”. In a sense, they do not belong to us.
We are not Xerox machines which replicate ourselves. After giving birth, we are the vehicle which guides the new human being along the path of life. Each child has his own unique talents and character flaws. It is up to us as parents to help children develop their strengths and use them in a positive manner. It is good for children to be aware of their character flaws without parents being harsh with them. After all, we are all working on something to improve about ourselves. Of course, we should always emphasize our children’s strengths when dealing with our children without forgetting what they need to improve.
When choosing activities for our children, make sure that you are taking their interests and talents into consideration, rather than an unfulfilled dream of yours. Are you encouraging your child to do activities for your own ego? Is your self-worth measured by the accomplishments of your children? Do your own insecurities cause you to brag about your children’s accomplishments to your friends?
What we want for our child is that they are happy, healthy and self-sufficient people who make a positive contribution to society. It doesn’t have to be a contribution which ends up in the newspaper, TV, or the history books. It can be the quiet, kind contribution which holds our society together. Each strong thread does a beautiful quilt make!
Original content by Kathleen Matchunis, B.A., M.S., CPC, Academic Coach and Tutor, 954 294 9708,
www.connectinginc.net