Many parents wonder if they are doing everything they can to help their child? Many things come to mind such as enrolling their child in the right school, extracurricular activities, and providing their child with a comfortable life. Of course, all of these things are important, but are there other things to consider?
After my many years as an educator, I saw many children who were enrolled in good schools, participated in extracurricular activities, and had a comfortable life. However, these children did not have good socials skills. They felt more comfortable texting than conversing. When they had to have a conversation, they kept in brief and to the point, much like a text message. They seemed to have lost the art of starting and maintaining a conversation. The point of their conversations was to obtain something that they wanted or needed, rather than express interest or concern about another person.
With all the technology available now, it is no wonder that kids do not feel comfortable conversing. In the book, “Alone Together, Do We Expect More of Technology than We Do of Ourselves?”, this issue is examined on a deeper level. If kids are allowed to use technology without limits, they become uncomfortable with interpersonal relationships. They can become completely self- absorbed, wanting a response immediately to their requests for information. They can grow uncomfortable with the idea that a conversation is not always predictable and that they may have to spontaneously respond, rather than responding at their leisure, as they do with texting. The plethora of choices and the speed of the internet and social media lead young people to expect instant gratification. Instant gratification is not conducive to good relationships or success in the workplace. They can become completely desensitized by being able to make comments on Facebook without seeing the reaction of others to their comments. They can feel threatened and ostracized by others if the comments are directed towards them.
While technology definitely has its place in the world and in the workplace, kids need more than ever to have family time and an opportunity to converse with others without TV, I-pod, I-pad, and I-phone on. Many young people don’t know what it is like to really listen to someone and to be heard. Some parents are guilty of not being able to separate themselves from their technology, as well. What a gift it is to have someone’s undivided attention. Because the use of technology is so prevalent, we, as parents, have a choice to make: Are we going to place limits on technology use in our families to preserve our relationships or are we going to just accept this invasion into our family lives?
The solution doesn’t have to be complicated. We are all leading busy lives, but children’s social skills would be greatly improved if parents just ate dinner with their children without electronic gadgets or TV on. It doesn’t have to be a homemade dinner or every single night. If that arrangement is not possible, just designate another time of the day or evening to talk and give each other undivided attention.
Connecting, Inc. offers social skills coaching for teens and adults. Call 954 294-9708
Email : kathy@connectinginc.net Website: www.connectinginc.net
