Dare to Ask for What You Want
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
Are you afraid to ask for what you really want? Why is that so? Do you feel that you deserve what you are requesting? Many times, a limiting belief can keep you from daring to ask for what you really want. Do you believe that it is even possible to receive what you want?
First, visualize what you want and why you want it. Is this a want or need? Focus on how you deserve it. This process can work in both your personal and professional life. Communicate what you want to your family and/or business associates. You cannot expect others to be mind readers. How many times have you been disappointed because you did not receive the gift which you wanted for a holiday or special occasion or did not get what you needed from a relationship or business deal? How many times did you not get a referral because you simply did not ask for one?
The people in your life need to be enlightened as to what you need and want in your life. It is also helpful to share why you want whatever you want. Sometimes our friends, loved ones, and business associates need to be guided because they are not aware of what we need or want. Are you afraid that others will not honor your requests for support or for something more specific such as a material item? Don’t allow this fear to prevent you from asking. The worst case scenario is that one person may say, “No”, but that doesn’t mean that the next person won’t say, “Yes”.
In personal relationships, if you are not being taken seriously when you request something, you may have to reevaluate whether or not you are really respected, as a person. If your significant other or friends are rarely meeting your needs and wants, consider being clear in your requests. If your requests are ignored after being clear with the other person, perhaps your happiness is not that important to the other person. Rethink why you are in a relationship where your happiness is not valued.
In your professional life, it is very easy to be overlooked for promotions or raises if you don’t ask for them. If others don’t think that you have an expectation of something more, it may not occur to them to offer you an opportunity. The implied message of not asking is “I am not deserving.”
Communicate your expectations to others and you will be surprised how people will respond to you. I remember commenting to my twins when they were about 12 years old, “I can’t wait to see your Mother’s Day cards for me”. They both looked at each other as if to say “We had better get something together for Mom”. Needless to say, I received a beautiful Mother’s Day card from each of them and I was a very happy mom!
Like the song says, “You can’t always get what you want”, but if you don’t ask, you won’t get much of anything. Having expectations of others conveys the message that you have confidence that they will be able to meet your expectations.
