How to Help Friends Who Are Struggling
By Katheen A. Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
You hear friends who are struggling with a decision or in pain. What do you do? Your first temptation may be to fix the problem or offer a solution. That may be precisely what your friends do not want to hear. Do other people’s solutions work for our own personal problems? Rarely! If you offer a solution and it doesn’t work for your friends, where will it leave you? You probably will end up in the dog house.
How can you really help friends who are trying to find a solution for a challenge in their life? Listen! Just listen without judgment (not always easy) or at the most, ask questions to clarify what your friends are feeling. The fact that you are attentively listening and asking questions, which shows that you care, will help your friends clarify what they are feeling and assist them in decreasing their stress.
If you must offer some ideas on a situation, they must be in the form of questions such as “Do you think that it would work if you ____________?” or “Have you ever considered _____________?”. These types of comments are non-confrontational and may prompt friends to come up with an idea to solve the problem or challenge on their own.
Offering solutions is a no win situation if the problem is not resolved. If you listen and ask questions which prompt friends to think of their own solutions and take responsibility for their problems, it becomes a growth experience for them and a deepening of the friendship.
It takes emotional intelligence to resist jumping in to “fix” friends. Your “fix” will not be lasting, however, if your friends never learn to solve their own problems. It puts you in the exhausting role of “rescuer”, which does not really help your friends at all and increases their dependence on you. In this case, resentment can grow and friendships can be lost.
Show support to friends by listening attentively, asking questions, and acting as a resource for them if you know someone who specializes in their particular challenge. Nobody wants to acknowledge that they may need help, but you can always offer contact information which your friends can choose to use or not. Empower rather than enable your friends!
To get a good laugh and fully understand the concept of listening rather than trying to fix your friends’ problems, check out this YouTube video: “It’s Not About the Nail”:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
Kathy Matchunis offers life coaching in Coral Springs and the surrounding areas. Do you or someone you know need a life make-over? Get a game plan for your goals along with the accountability that will help you achieve your potential. Call Coach Kathy at 954- 294-9708 for a complimentary life coaching session and get started today!