It’s All About that Base!
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A, M.S., CPC
When it comes to parenting, it’s all about that base! As a teen and parenting coach, I see parents who don’t always give their children a firm base of rules during their early childhood and then experience rebellion and problems in the teen years. Like building any structure, without a strong base, a building will shake, shift or waver in the wind. There are no guarantees in parenting that you will have a happy, successful child. It’s a complex process which depends on your knowledge, your involvement with your child, and of course, your child’s personality.
Kids go through all kinds of stages in their lives. With each stage come challenges. Children who know they are accepted and loved and have been taught right from wrong through their parents’ words and actions are able to weather those challenging times better.
Here are some ways that you can provide your child with a good base.
- Show your children that you love them by not just telling them, but showing them.
- If your children are different than you in personality or tastes, be accepting. This may be challenging if you see traits in them that you do not like in your spouse or yourself. After all, you are not a Xerox machine. Each child is unique.
- Being a good parent doesn’t mean filling your child’s life up with activities. Be selective with activities and sports, and make sure that you leave time to connect with your child. Filling up all your children’s time with activities, they may have difficulty knowing what to do with unscheduled time.
- Eat dinner as a family at home with the TV off. Get takeout if you can’t cook. Children learn social and language skills at the table as well as conflict resolution. Discuss current events in the world besides what is going on in your lives. It’s good for children to develop a sense of concern and empathy for others.
- If you have regular family meetings, kids won’t want to run away when you say, “We are going to have a family meeting”. Make sure that you discuss fun topics such as vacation plans, not just problem, so that your children will
- Be a great role model for your child. If you don’t want your children to curse, then, don’t curse. If you want to discuss things calmly, modulate your voice.
- Talk to your children about what matters to them. Family activities should not only be organized around the interests of the children or the parents, it needs to be both.
- Supervise your children’s education. Computers make this easier than ever. There needs to be complete transparency. Take a team approach to grades. If your children are not making the satisfactory grades, have a conversation about what they can do better and find out if they need extra help. Communicate with your children’s teachers and seek extra help for your children, if necessary. Education enables your children to be independent. Keeping your children on track academically takes energy but if you picture your child on your sofa unemployed at 30 years old, you should find the motivation to stay on top of their academic lives. Children don’t always see the connection between academic success and their future.
- Avoid thinking, “My children are___ years old now, they should be able to do their homework on their own, get a job on their own, etc.”. Some children learn differently and mature at different rates. When they know better, they do better. Your children may need more support than others.
- The investment of time in your child’s childhood and teen years is invaluable. It will give your children the base they need to make ethical decisions and be the best that they can be.
Providing your children with a good base does not guarantee a perfect life, but it stacks the cards in their favor. When it comes to raising kids, it’s all about the base. Try to limit the yelling and turn down the treble!
Original content by Kathleen A. Matchunis, B.A., M.S.certified life and academic coach. Check out my website at: www.connectinginc.net Tel. 954 294 9708
