I hear parents say, “Kids these days aren’t built like we were!” Really? Are they really built differently or are our expectations lower for our children? I think that especially if you have not had an easy life in your youth, your desire is to make it better for your kids. But are you really making it better for them?
Of course, some kids have special needs to be considered but ask yourself these questions:
- Do I make excuses for my children when they do not behave or fulfill obligations?
- Do I give meaningless praise such as saying, “Good job!” or “I am so proud of you” without specifying an action to be connected with the praise?
- Do I have low expectations for my child to avoid disappointed?
- Do I get my children “out of situations” to which they have made a commitment?
- Do I try to shelter my children from life’s disappointments?
- Do you wonder how your child is going to “make it” in this world without you?
- Are you your child’s micromanager?
- Do your kids’ “dramas” take over your life?
Here are some options on how to make your child more resilient:
- Tone down your emotional reactions to challenging situations and setbacks in your life as well as theirs. Respond rather than react to situations to set a good example.
- Avoid wasting time and energy giving yourself a “pity party” or throwing a “pity party” for your child when things go wrong.
- Teach your child coping skills by reframing situations such as: You might not have done well on this test, but you can ask your teacher for extra help or I can help you review for the next test and you will do better or “You may have lost this game but you will maybe win the next game, if you do those extra practice sessions with your coach” There are truly very few “life and death” situations in life. Always ask your child what he or she should do about the situation first before making any suggestions.
- Monitor your child’s media consumption. Many TV shows and movies are overly dramatic and reactions to situations are frequently exaggerated.
- Give your children some undivided attention and really listen to them, so they have a safe place to blow off steam and don’t catastrophize situations by building them up in their minds.
- Ask your kids if they need help solving a problem, rather than solving the problem for them. It will help them build great problem-solving skills and empower them to believe in their own capabilities.
Trying to avoid all bad consequences is not a parent’s job. Bad stuff happens in life and if your children haven’t cope with a few bumps along the way, they will be unprepared. Ask yourself if you are “rescuing” your children in order to feel useful, important, or to earn their love. If so, it may be time to start working on your self-development!
Stop struggling with your kids and get essential tips for becoming a better parent. Call for a complimentary session with experienced educator and skills for success coach, Kathleen Matchunis. Tel. 954 294 -9708 Website: www.connectinginc.net Check us out on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/ConnectingInc/
