Teens & Technology – How much is too much?
By Kathleen Matchunis, Certified Professional Coach
Is your teen disconnected from you and the rest of the family because they are usually connected to an electronic device? Do you have to compete with the I-phone, I-pad, I-pod, etc.?
How much is too much? We really don’t want to cut our kids off from all technology, but we do need to set boundaries regarding technology, so that its usage does not invade our interpersonal relationships. It is very important to keep the computer or laptops usage confined to a central family area of the house. Especially with younger children and young teens, it is important to monitor their use.
Technology has no place at the table unless someone is expecting an emergency phone call. It is important to have a dedicated time, free of distraction to communicate with your family. Dinner doesn’t have to be gourmet or even homemade food, but there needs to be a time without TV or other electronic devices where there can be continuity of thought and conversation. So much more than just eating takes place at the table. It is the perfect place to teach manners, values, conflict resolution, and language skills. Try to eat dinner together whenever possible, and if it is not possible, at least set aside another time during the day to check in with each other. Ask information questions with words like “what”, “why”, “when”, “who”, instead of asking yes/no questions like, “Do you like your classes?” NEVER ask “What did you do at school today?” We all know that the answer to that question is “nothing!”.
Play games at the table like talking about what the best or worst thing was that happened during the day. A fun activity that my family used to do was to have each member draw a diagram of another family member’s brain, labeling compartments with categories of subjects that occupy their thoughts. For example: Dad’s brain was divided into: work, the gym, photography, football, etc. That activity was always good for a few laughs! It is always nice to have each member state what quality that they most appreciate about other family members. This activity can have a really positive effect on relationships between family members. If you run out of ideas, you can buy conversation cards like “Table Talk” or “Table Topic” (Amazon.com) and have a different member choose a card each night.
If teens are doing well in school and communicate with you, you can agree on a reasonable about of time that they may use the computer, I-phone, etc. If your teens are not achieving at school or not communicating with you, negotiate a reasonable amount of time for technology, which will increase with academic or behavioral improvements. The agreement needs to be signed by you and your teen to have a lasting effect.
In Europe, most families are not experiencing the social skills challenges that we are with our youth. Why? Dinner time with family is not negotiable. Bringing electronics, phones to the table or having the TV on during dinner is not on their radar. It is simply not done.
By making an effort to increase communication, you are saving yourself and your family many problems. Teens who regularly communicate with their families have less drinking and drug problems, and a lower suicide rate. They also do better academically in school. Enable your child to have the skills it will take to be a good communicator. You will not regret it!
If you need more tips or guidance on how to communicate with your teen, contact Kathy Matchunis at 954 294-9708 or kathy@connectinginc.net
