When Friendships Change
By Kathleen A. Matchunis, Certified Professional Coach
When we are young, we tend to make friends with the people with whom we grow up. We share those intense experiences of youth and a history together. In many cases, friends from our youth go on to study far from home or work in places where it may be difficult or impossible to see each other on a regular basis. In these cases, having different experiences shapes us in ways which may make it challenging to feel the closeness with friends from our youth.
We are also shaped by life-changing experiences such as marriage, divorce, having children, etc. which can either bring us closer or push us farther apart from our friends. These life experiences are inevitable and unpredictable. We never know how we will be affected by our experiences and how it will affect our friendships.
Ideally, friendships endure the ups and downs of life and we can pick up exactly where we left off. More often than not, people grow at different rates and in different ways. If you really care about your friends, you will allow them to evolve on their journey, rather than compare their lives to yours or judge their lives.
You will suffer less if you allow your friendship to evolve than to try to keep it as it once was. If you end up changing in different ways, you do not have to discard the friendship but rather change the level of the friendship. A close friend may become a casual friend. Another friend who was a casual friend may become your best confidante.
Have you ever watched a movie which you saw a long time ago and reacted completely differently to it? This reaction occurs because you have changed. The same thing happens with our friendships. Someone who seemed really funny before may just seem silly now. On the other hand, someone who you considered quite serious could be someone who is a person who you find to be very interesting.
We are all growing, although we may not grow together. If you love your friends, let them grow. Whatever path they are on, it is their path to choose. When it comes to friendships, sometimes we have to “let go and let grow”! It may not always be easy but we should cherish the memories of all our friendships, casual and close, knowing that each person was put in our path for a reason.