Who ARE These People?
By Kathleen Matchunis, President of Connecting, Inc.
Have you ever been at a family get together and asked yourself, “Who ARE these people?” Well, they are your family and no, the milkman did not drop you off on the doorstep. Although you may love your family, you may find certain things about them that drive you crazy. You may not be able to relate to their points of view on certain subjects or their lifestyle.
Especially during holidays, we look forward to family reunions and being able to see our families after perhaps not seeing them for a long time. Well, everyone is evolving and growing but not always in the same direction. This can be very upsetting to some of us, especially when we build up the family reunion in our minds as some idyllic get-together as seen on TV or in the movies.
First of all, we need to adjust our expectations that all will not be perfect at a family reunion. Our families are made of imperfect people just like us. That’s right- have you looked in the mirror lately? What makes these imperfect people different is that we love them and share memories and an emotional bond with them. When we see or hear something that irritates us, we must remember that we don’t get to see our families that often and we have to make the most of our our limited time with them. If you know that there are certain topics that you cannot discuss in a calm manner, then avoid them and talk about something else that you both will enjoy.
Secondly, it is very difficult not be judgmental and compare ourselves with other members of our family. It is not a contest. This is life-long relationship. So what if you’re right, more successful, or have a bigger house- are these issues worth bringing up in a conversation, which will make the other person feel like a loser? Being right or outdoing others is never worth a valued relationship. In a competitive family, this sort of situation can be very tricky. Be the bigger person, congratulate others on their success without jealousy and show them that you are truly happy for them. They will feel validated and the conversation will be more pleasant, rather than competitive or confrontational.
Thirdly, remember there are probably things about you that irritate other members of your family. If you recognize the positive traits in others, they will feel more valued and see the positive in you. Nobody is perfect. When we know better, we do better. It is never a smooth process, but an evolving one.
With realistic expectations, an open attitude, free of judgment, with a good dose of love and acceptance, family get-togethers can be less stressful and more fulfilling. It may not be exactly the family reunion that you envisioned, but it will be a step in the right direction. Life coaching can assist you in finding ways to connect in a positive way with your family. Call me for a complimentary initial consultation at 954 294-9708! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!